I’m really beginning to think that the person who resurrected this show only had one thing in mind. They really REALLY wanted to add their own original character to the Komugi universe and have it mainly focus on a romance between her and another character who didn’t previously exist. You know, kind of like how the guy who brought back Evangelion brought in that girl that no one liked for absolutely no reason. I just… Every episode I try. I really do. I TRY to understand why this show was brought back and raped the way it was. I just…I can’t figure it out.


Seriously, I don’t understand why they had to change the dude. His name, his look, his character, they changed EVERYTHING. And I don’t know why. And here’s the strange thing. The main male, ISN’T EVEN ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED IN THE MAIN CHARACTER.

Look, I know I’ve said in the past i’m a HUGE fan of side characters getting the spotlight. But There’s a few reasons why this doesn’t work here.

  1. The characters (aka the blonde girl as well as the guy) are EXTREMELY uninteresting. Like AMAZINGLY boring. The girl has the trope of “oh, i act manly but i’m really girly” and the guy is the generic “gee, i’m hot and really a good guy who is kind of derpy about romance with no real personality to speak of.”
  2. At this point, the blonde girl HAS BECOME the main character. I’m serious. There has been more episodes dedicated to her than either Koyori or Komugi. And it’s ALWAYS THE SAME GODDAMN THING. It’s ALWAYS revolving around her wanting this guy’s fucking dick and nothing else. It’s stupid, it’s boring, and I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT IT.

Jesus i’m ranting and I haven’t even gotten to the recap. (exhales) fuck me.

So the episode starts up with the fact that white day is coming up. (for a quick recap for those who don’t know, in Japan, on Valentines day girls give guys chocolate. A month later on March 14th, guys do the reverse. Cool? cool.)

And of course blonde added stupid bitch wants to make a special rainbow cupcake for generic boy because she’s in all kawaii lovey dove with him.

Komugi? Who the fuck is that?
Komugi? Who the fuck is that?

So in school all the girls are working on cupcakes in baking class. So blonde girl comes in and makes a perfect rainbow cupcake because she’s super special awesome and a fuckbag.

That’s when a generic F-card monster shows up that’s made from Whipped cream. It gets beaten by the human gym teacher and then finished off by the blonde chick. Naw, i’m not even joking about the gym teacher bit.

Remind me why we need magical girls again?
Remind me why we need magical girls again?

Which brings me to another point of why this remake sucks. NONE OF THE VILLAINS ARE THE LEAST BIT THREATENING. At least in the original it was a parody so everything was SUPPOSED to be played off as funny and silly. However THIS time around they try to play so many things seriously that when you see these villains getting beaten so goddamn easily every episode it’s like they’re not even consequential. It’s like they’re a minor annoyance. I have not ONCE felt worried about their safety. Like once.

Trust me, I am NOT a big fan of Sailor Moon, but even I hate to admit, that one scene where Sailor Moon throws her tiara at Jedite and he just blocks it like “bitch please” and then slowly walks towards her was one of the most badass things i’ve ever seen in a magical girl show. (and yes, that included ALL of Madoka)

You know, THIS scene.
You know, THIS scene.

And here’s the thing. Even though you know she’s going to be fine, you still say to yourself “Damn, that’s actually pretty threatening.” No talking, no nothing. All he’s doing is walking. And yet it’s one of the most badass things I’ve ever seen in an anime.

Now, counter that to mother fucking Komugi where they focus more on whether bland mcfucktard will like a cupcake rather than the actual villain.

No joke, the villain of the episode gets beaten THIRTEEN MINUTES IN.
No joke, the villain of the episode gets beaten THIRTEEN MINUTES IN.

If this were a parody like its predecessor I could forgive all of this. ALL OF IT. But they are playing this like a straight romantic magical girl show which IT IS NOT. If you wanted to do that, FINE. But use your own license. Don’t copy an already beloved one and then change EVERYTHING.

What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah. the rest of the plot.

Blandy mcfuck gives the blonde girl a present of squid ink food because he heard from Komugi she likes sour and bitter stuff. She thinks he hates him, but changes into the magical girl and gives him the cupcake. And then she finds out that he doesn’t hate her. Hooray. End of episode.

I really don’t know what much more I can say about this show that I haven’t already said. I am very VERY close to being done with it. I was SO excited to see a revamp of this parody show but all its done was bring in new characters that SUCK, change old ones and tone them down, and at this point the show isn’t even ABOUT Komugi anymore. It’s about blonde mcfucker trying to ride boring guy’s dick.

She's actually looking up what squid ink means when it's given to you as a present because she's worried it's a sign that he hates her. Lady, calm your tits.
She’s actually looking up what squid ink means when it’s given to you as a present because she’s worried it’s a sign that he hates her. Lady, calm your tits.

The magical part isn’t even that important. We’re ten episodes in and there’s been no overarching villain introduced. It’s just random monsters of the week that SUCK. This one didn’t even make it to the end of the episode. I’m just so sick and disgusted with this nonsense. I don’t know if any of my readers watched the original, but this is just a travesty. I can’t even call this show Komugi. She isn’t even the main character anymore. I call this “Blonde girl wants to fuck boring guy” the series. Oh, and there’s some magical girl stuff thrown in there too but that’s not important. Her giving him a cupcake is the important shit here.

If anyone besides me watched the original Komugi, I hope you feel the same way I do. If you didn’t, go watch an episode. You’ll see what i’m talking about. I’ve already written 10 reviews on this show, but honestly, I could write a comparative essay on why this should never have been made and why it’s a betrayal to any fan in the past. Fuck this show, and fuck episode #5 in the saga of “how to fuck that boring guy”

Episode 2.5/10