Haifuri Episode 4: Maidens in a Pinch!
Shit just got real.
Something something toilet paper.
I was surprised by how much better the second half of the episode was compared to the first. I’m not against comedic slice-of-life scenes by any means, but Haifuri does in fact have a plot and so I was anxious to see something substantive happen. I was also expecting a restocking episode to happen at some point, but it was more cheery than I expected. And it started off kind of lewd too… it wasn’t just me who thought that, right? I know I’m incorrigible and that I lewd everything, but did it really have to be based on how they all ran out of toilet paper? Even I was a little incredulous. It’s a ship full of high school girls, and they all started asking each other about who used so much toilet paper, who wasted it all and how much was supposed to be enough for each visit. And then one girl talked about how 10cm wasn’t enough for her, and Mii-chan even stands up and says that it’s too soft compared to German toilet paper so she has to use a lot of it. W-why is soft toilet paper a bad thing? It’s all too l-lewd! But I approve.
Apparently girls use 12.5 metres of toilet paper per day. Yes, metres. I hate to ask this, but… really? A square of toilet paper is about 10cm in length (in which case the girl who complained 10cm wasn’t enough per visit was completely justified in doing so). But still, according to the statistic the show has kindly given us, that would mean that the average girl uses 125 squares per day! 125 per day! I’m having a little trouble getting my head around that – is it just me? Am I just conservative with my toilet paper use? I’m a guy, I live by myself and it takes me ages before I finish a roll. There were 250 rolls on board the Harekaze to be split between 30 girls. And it’s all gone. I know they’ve been at sea for quite a few days by now, but even if you gave 7 entire rolls to each girl you’d still have 40 rolls left over (let’s say these 40 rolls have been used for all the misc stuff they were talking about like blowing noses and wiping tabletops). And I think 40 for misc stuff is already far too much. So each girl, on average, has gone through over 7 rolls in a matter of days. W-what have they been doing? Actually, why is this even a thing that came up in the show to this extent of detail? Why am I even discussing this in a post?
Okay. That’s enough about girls and toilet paper. I still wasn’t too impressed when Nanoha and several crew members went shopping at a conveniently-located populated landmass in the middle of the sea (submerged cities will lead people to build on artificial land I suppose) but the episode significantly improved when they were spotted and chased by the Blue Mermaids on patrol. All of a sudden the tone drastically shifted, and it looked like it was going to become an absolute catastrophe when they couldn’t escape, were surrounded by multiple ships and on top of that suddenly Tama went batshit insane and started fucking shooting at the Akashi and Mamiya. It could have gotten really, really bad back there. Not only did we not know whether the Akashi and Mamiya were from Yokusuka, the fact that Tama shot at them would have given them every legitimate excuse to shoot back (if they were from another school like the submarine, they wouldn’t have been bound by the no engagement order). And if the lady from the Maritime Safety Support Department was from an anti-Munetani faction or something, she might not have helped them at all. There’s a reason they all ditched the toilet paper and bolted when they were confronted by on-duty Blue Mermaids. It’s a blessing that she even listened to the Harekaze properly with regards to how Furushou shot at them first. By the way, I really like this fluffy Akashi captain. Her character design is top-tier, I hope we get to see more of her.
I guess it’s time to mention something about the rat. I know some people are saying it’s like a hamster, but I think hamsters would be fatter and cuter. I hate rats. I was immediately reminded of that rat with the violet-coloured magic crystal teeth from Mushoku Tensei that also did horrible things when infecting people. Is this supposed to be a mind control rat? It was a pretty effective choice to have Tama being the person to ‘turn’ aggressive, given how fluffy and quiet she’s been for the entire series so far – from her astounding physical feats I’m not even sure whether it was the rat in control or whether the rat just made her extremely hyper and warmongering. I’m also a little concerned by how Mei (Torpedo-chan, for those who haven’t yet remembered everyone’s names) was so happy at discovering a new ‘side’ to Tama. It’s good that we’re slowly starting to get a tangible plot in place, but I’m going to reserve judgment about whether this (i.e. a mind-control plot) has been a good thing until we learn more about the why, how and who.
I’m still hoping for a grand conspiracy, you see – and we might just get that, given how the scenes keep cutting to Principal Munetani and the Maritime Safety Support Department as both her and Shiro-chan’s sister Mashimo seem to be aware that something isn’t quite right. Let’s also not forget about Abyss, the totally-not-evil conglomerate slash cutting-edge scientific research group whose name and logo happened to be on the box with the rat inside. It was supposed to contain drifting supplies, right? So why did it have nothing except the rat and its cage? It makes it seem like the rat was intended to be delivered to someone – if it was intended to be set loose on a ship, they wouldn’t bother putting a cage in there too. I presume the rat was supposed to be in the cage all along, but just got out somehow. Isoroku actually caught it and got super angry when the bridge girls took it away from him – I bet he was trying to tell them something. Maybe there’s a trend in that ships with cats (like the Akashi and Mamiya) don’t fall under mass mind-control because their cats protect them?
I also think we have our answer as to what happened on board the Musashi and the Admiral Spee. I can definitely see Moka reacting like she did in the distress call in response to all of her crew suddenly turning on her for no good reason. And what Mina said about everyone on the Spee not obeying orders any more is perfectly in line with how Tama reacted. It’s a pity that no one actually realized what the rat was this episode and why Tama acted like that. If they did, then I’m sure Nanoha wouldn’t think twice about going to save her waifu. Look at how torn she is. Her smile isn’t being protected.