I don’t think words alone can really express how much this episode left me a sobbing mess. Gosh my head and eyes hurts from crying so much!
Even though I knew Ruby’s death was coming, it still hits me as hard as it did the first time. And that’s pretty impressive considering typically I don’t cry too hard for things that I’ve already watched/read, but this, yup after all these years, this one absolutely destroyed me, again.
It was just so heartbreaking to see just how much Ruby, our ray of sunshine had become a wilted flower. This came as a shock to Anne when Marilla told her that she didn’t think Ruby was going to make it till the Fall. Neither Diana nor Ruby had ever mentioned it in their letters up till this point.
And after hearing what Marilla had said, and having discovered how under the beautiful clothes Ruby wore, her body has become so terribly thin and fail that it startled Anne to the point of distress. It was this particular moment when it finally hit her (and honestly, for the reader/viewer too) that her beloved childhood friend was truly dying.
As result, it made every conversation Anne had with Ruby even more difficult. Ruby would continue act like she wasn’t sick, as she would go on about her plans for teaching in White Falls in the Fall, rave on about how excited she’ll finally get married to her beloved beau Herb Spencer, and what parties and concerts she was soon to attend… All while Anne witnesses her barely have the strength to do embroidery, let alone holding a pen to write the invitations.
At that point, Anne just couldn’t cope with it anymore. Like Diana, she stopped visiting Ruby for a little while. Up until this point, she would return home emotionally spent, and would throw herself completely into writing her story to submit to a magazine’s story competition. So during that time she kept herself away, she poured every bit of her energy into her story. But even that couldn’t make her feel better. In the end, her story was rejected for both the Yankees and the Canadian Woman Magazines’ story competition. At that point, Anne was just so fed up she declared she was done with writing.
But it was thanks to this frustration that Anne finally understood what Ruby was going through. Ruby was at the mercy of an invisible enemy and she didn’t want to accept that. She just wanted to keep looking ahead of her, striving to survive long enough to do the things she wants to do, like teach, get married, have children, live on like everyone else does. But what ate Ruby up the most, was not just death itself, but rather the overwhelming fear of going to a distant place all alone. And I think that’s the part that just hits me the hardest.
Every time I re-watch that scene, fresh tears come pouring out of my eyes like someone had just turned the faucet on full blast. And I think it’s because the fear of going somewhere far away all alone, is profoundly relatable.
When you think about it, I think it’s hard for most people to truly understand what it feels like to ‘fear death’. Most people don’t truly experience it until it almost or it’s about to happen, so it’s kind of just left to our abstract imaginations of how we might feel or respond to it. But the fear of going somewhere that you have no knowledge of, and having nothing to prove beyond faith the place we die, (in this case Heaven) exists, and all alone? That’s something we can all connect with to an overwhelming degree.
So the only thing Anne could do is offer her the most comforting words she hopes she could give her. Assuring her Heaven won’t be too different than their home of Avonlea, she won’t be all too different, she doesn’t need to be scared. But at the end of the day, even if it is the same, it doesn’t change the fact she’s going there all alone.
I’m glad that Ruby had eventually let out her true feelings, and that Anne was able to be there to allow her to do just that. With her own family in denial, this is something Ruby bottled up for the longest time. Being able to air her grief and Anne’s words helped her find a bit of peace in her mind. It also must’ve been unbearably lonely to watch those who she had been close to her distant themselves like Diana because it was hard to watch her health deteriorate so much, especially when even Anne had to take some time away from her too.
As tragic as this summer vacation back home to Avonlea as been, I’m glad it hadn’t been at any other time because Anne wouldn’t have been able to be by Ruby’s side when she needed it most. Ruby always liked Anne best of all her friends, that’s why it meant so much to her to see her one last time.
Gosh dang it, my face is covered in tears again!
I got one more thing to touch on before I wrap it up, and that’s Anne’s rejected story submission.
It was a romance between her two protagonists Averil and Perceval, who had to face off against Maurice as the villain. Diana enjoyed the story, but she was disappointed to see Maurice get killed off. Mr. Harrison, the other person Anne sought for feedback (since he will always be honest about it), also didn’t understand why Maurice was killed, but on top of that he didn’t understand why Maurice get together with Averil instead. This left Anne at loss what to do because she she couldn’t wrap her head around why everyone liked Maurice the villain more than Perceval the protagonist. Mr. Harrison gave her a solid critique as to why that was: Perceval was too good, and it makes it annoying. Her characters just didn’t feel like real people, so it didn’t resonate with the readers the way she wanted it to. But at the end of the day, whether to take his (fair, if I may add) critique to account was up to Anne’s discretion. And instead of taking his advice and trying to rewrite Perceval’s character to be less perfect and more relatable, Anne stubbornly submits her story ‘Averil’s Atonement’ to the biggest Yankee magazine.
And we all know how that turned out: Promptly rejected by both the Yankee and Canadian Woman magazine. Anne was really discouraged and declared she’d end her literary ambitions with this. But it was her biggest and most reliable critic Mr. Harrison who had encouraged Anne not to give up on writing. He knew she was hurting from the rejection, so he simply encouraged her to just write a story every now and then. And I have no doubt in my mind, Matthew would’ve said the same.
