I can honestly say, I have never been so disappointed in the continuation of a series before. This is quite possibly the worst reboot I’ve ever seen in my life. And i’ve seen that first Hulk movie.

But here’s the thing. It isn’t really BAD persay. It’s the fact at what they turned this story into, and just how SAFE they’re playing it. The story is a story that’s been done a million times, the characters are bland and generic tropes, and they even omitted characters from the original material to bring in other characters. For…some reason. Speaking of which, this new character is the focal point of the first episode….awesome. Oh well. I’m just going to start so I can get this done.

The episode starts out with both Komugi and Koyori (yes i’m calling her Koyori because that’s HER FUCKING NAME) chasing after card monsters. However, every time they catch up to one, they’ve already been beaten by a mysterious cat related magical girl.

truly. all the exciting
truly. all the exciting

Anyway, after the theme song, we’re officially introduced to the third magical girl. I do not remember her name. So I shall call her blonde girl. Congratulations. You are so unimportant to me, your name is now “Blonde Girl.”

Everyone, meet blonde girl. And before you ask, yes, that IS a girl.
Everyone, meet blonde girl. And before you ask, yes, that IS a girl.

She’s apparently a super popular model and everyone loves her because she acts like a tomboy.

And yes, this is the character that never existed in the continuity and just decided to add her. Why? I’m not sure. It’s not like they didn’t have plenty of other characters to choose from in the Komugi roster. Instead, They kick Megumi, Runa, and Asuka out, and replace them with generic blonde haired girl. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Can you guess what blond girl’s super special secret is since she acts like a tomboy in front of everyone? Can you guess? If you guessed “She’s secretly girly” Then congratulations, you’ve seen a single television program before.

Not exactly a new concept you're bringing to the table sweetie.
Not exactly a new concept you’re bringing to the table sweetie.

So the cat mascot shows up and is like “hey, want to be a magical girl?” and she’s like “Lol, k”. That’s pretty much that entire scene right there.

She then CGI dances…which I skipped. Because I didn’t care.

Finally a fish villain shows up, and she reveals herself to Komugi and Koyori and she defeats it. and then she goes on a roof and talks to the guy she likes about sunsets.

"Don't you want to talk more about sunsets?"  "No thanks, you're really fucking boring. I'm out."
“Don’t you want to talk more about sunsets?”
“No thanks, you’re really fucking boring. I’m out.”

And that’s pretty much the end of that glorious episode.

If you couldn’t tell, the fact that this series shares its name with a series I once loved REALLY pisses me off. I am having such a hard time seeing how SERIOUSLY they’re playing this show. They’re actually trying to play this off as a serious show. Which is baffling as the series was a parody. I’m going to give you a tip guys. Rebooting a parody series as a serious one is FUCKING STUPID.

I don’t care about this new character you introduced. I don’t care about her plight, and I don’t give a shit about her stupid dreams of being girly. THIS SHOW ISN’T FUNNY. That’s the first thing you fucked up here. It’s NOT FUNNY. The original Nurse witch was funny. This…is just sad honestly.

However, At the very least, at least episode 4 TRIED to put some humor in, so that’s something.

Speaking of which…. Episode 4 starts up with Komugi training to be a ninja.

If you can call THAT training to be a ninja
If you can call THAT training to be a ninja

She’s doing this because a festival is coming up and there’s a contest for girls and whoever is the best ninja gets to be a sign model. She really wants to win this so she starts training in weird and different ways including wearing chainmail.

Huh...I did not know that ninjas wore chainmail...learn something new every day!
Huh…I did not know that ninjas wore chainmail…learn something new every day!

Her family decides to go with her, and at the day of the festival, the competition begins. Thanks to her training, Komugi makes it through the first few rounds pretty easily until she’s at the final round which requires a race to a scroll. However, as the race is underway, the mascot senses a monster, and at the end of the race an army of shadow clone frog costumes show up. (I can’t believe I just typed that)

hmm..disturbing AND gross
hmm..disturbing AND gross

The other two magical girls are there, but can’t do anything as they end up getting stuck in the slime and their attacks are ineffective against shadow clones. After Komugi grabs the scroll and wins the contest (I know, I was shocked too) She transforms into the nurse witch and defeats the baddie.

Curse you random magical girl powers!
Curse you random magical girl powers!

After this is all over though, she learns that being a sign model is actually just that. A model for the sign that people put their heads in at festivals.

(cue 'wah wah' music)
(cue ‘wah wah’ music)

And that’s where the second episode ends.

Now for once, this is actually the first episode that I didn’t flat out hate. It was a little more whimsical, and, while not on the same level of parody as the original series, at least ATTEMPTED some humor, like with her father bleeding after getting hit with a giant shuriken.

Over the top physical humor? The fuck are YOU doing in this show? Get the fuck out of here!
Over the top physical humor? The fuck are YOU doing in this show? Get the fuck out of here!

Of course this was broken up to by Blonde girl having a few scenes thinking about serious stuff, but I ignored that in my recap. Because blonde girl is stupid. I have learned that when the series just focuses on the story, it can be almost a pale imitator of the original. But when they try to be deep and character driven it’s just incredibly painful.

At the very least though, i can say that unlike episode 3, episode 4 is not BAD. it’s around the “kind of there” line, but if someone made me watch it again, I wouldn’t opt to jump off a bridge instead like I might for episode 3.

The biggest problem is, they decided to invent a new character who had no business being here and gave her a romantic sideplot no one asked for. She is basically an epitome of what’s wrong with this show. Taking an idea and then changing it to fit some sort of corporate meeting table. Eliminating characters and changing genres in an attempt to use name recognition to get people to watch your generic crap.

You ma'am. You are generic crap.
You ma’am. You are generic crap.

Overall, these episodes made me tired. I can’t believe I even finished this review just now. If episode 5 is like 4, I might be okay. But lord, please don’t give me another character driven episode. I don’t think I can take the boringatude.

Episode 3: 3/10

Episode 4 : 5.5/10