“Goodnight, Haise. I’ve had enough of dreaming.”
Is it happening? I think it’s happening.
But before that, a couple of thoughts on Eto and Ui. Firstly, Eto – what exactly are her feelings towards Haise? What exactly is she after with regards to him? All we know is that she’s interested in him, but what is her overall aim? It’s really hard to tell what she thinks of him or what her endgame is – after all this time they finally meet as ghouls and not humans, and yet all she’s done is hit him once and instruct Kanae to continue fighting him. I thought she stepped in because she thought Kanae wasn’t doing her job properly?
As for Ui, I was pretty confused by the drinking game analogy. I read that short memo from MS about how reciting the names of train station stops is some sort of drinking game, but why was Ui doing it whilst casually walking through Lunatic Eclipse? Is it some sort of OCD? It seemed like he was reciting it, realized he made a mistake and started over again – over and over until it covered entire panels on the page. Is it his way of coping with all the blood and death around him or something? What about his relationship with the late Princess Hairu? And perhaps most importantly, why was he trusting enough to not suspect Furuta, who’s supposedly much weaker than both Hairu and Kijima and yet was the only one left alive?
I can’t believe Kaneki has wanted to die this entire time. I don’t know if it means he’s suicidal, because that implies he’d take active steps by himself to bring about his own death, but from his words this chapter it feels like he definitely wouldn’t mind dying if that’s the way it has to be – which is honestly a really, really tragic take on life. If child Kaneki represents the subconscious of both Kaneki Ken and Sasaki Haise, then this is probably an accurate reflection of how he truly feels. It was a confusing chapter in general, not least of all because of the discussion between Haise and his inner Kaneki, but this is my take on it. Kaneki has wanted to die, all this time. He’s gone through a fuckton of suffering, and tragically he wasn’t a stranger to it before he became a ghoul – because he was abused by his mother when he was a child. What the actual fuck? Wasn’t it his aunt who ruined and indirectly drove his ‘hard-working’ and overworked mother to death? Even when Kaneki took Rize on a tour of his memories, his mother was portrayed as a victim all this time. Of course, there is no way Ishida didn’t plan this, just like every other god damn genius plot twist – look at this, it’s the last time Kaneki spoke to his subconscious about his mother.
Fucking Ishida. Kaneki was telling a lie back then, we all knew that much. But back then, I’m sure all of us interpreted the lie as being his way of hiding how she was being slowly overworked to death. How he was hiding the real circumstances behind his family situation. But no, that wasn’t it. That wasn’t it at all. He was hiding the fact that he was being fucking beaten at home.
As a side note, today is the world day for the prevention of abuse for children.
At any rate, he’s wanted to die for some time now. But he wants to die in style. A precondition exists for his death. And the fight against Arima was the best chance he had to do that. But he messed up, and ended up staying alive as a pseudo-quinque for this strange, socially awkward CCG member. As he has spent an entire lifetime not being loved (I swear to god, if his friendship with Hide turned out to be fake this entire time, this fanbase will probably cry tears of blood) his ‘Haise’ persona was a ‘dream’ which he used to give himself a chance to be loved by the people around him. And along the way, he ended up liking it – he ‘mistakenly began to once again desire’ despite having previously lost the will to live. But Haise knows he was nothing more than a sweet, temporary dream. And if he’ll die to Kanae and Eto like this, it’s frankly just as shitty a death as Hairu’s – there’s no point to a death without style like this. So Kaneki has had enough of dreaming. If he’s going to die at this rate, and in this way, he’d rather stop dreaming and fight back. He’s had enough of dreaming. It’s time for ‘Sasaki Haise’ to go to sleep. It’s time for Kaneki Ken to wake up.