The new case in Ace Attorney is great at doing one thing: giving us a terrifying villain who scares the shit out of us. Let me be honest, I’ve tried to become a serious writer as the blog and I have both grown. I was eighteen-nineteen when the blog first recruited me and time prompted me to stop typing in capslock. But today, I return to the roots of the Angry Anime Bitches writer I once was. THIS MOTHER FUCKER SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME
DO YOU SEE HIS FACE? ITS LIKE HIS WRINKLES WILL ABSORB THE YOUTH FROM YOUR PORES AS HIS GAPING EYES STARE INTO THE SHATTERED REMNANTS OF WHAT WAS ONCE YOUR INNOCENT SOUL
I AM THE JUDGE PHEONIX EDGEWORTH AND GUMSHOE ALL ROLLED INTO ONE SCARED THE FUCK OUT PERSON
DO YOU SEE THE WAY HE IS LOOKING AT EVERYONE? HE IS LITERALLY GOING ‘IM GONNA KILL YOU MOTHER FUCKER’
‘WATCH ME POISON YOU MOTHERFUCKER’
‘I SWEAR TO GOD OLD MOTHERFUCKER’
‘YOU’RE GETTING A PAYCUT MOTHERFUCKER’
‘LITERALLY DIE PLEASE’
Manfred literally gives Pheonix his ‘last chance’ moment in the beginning of the fucking case. Mayoi, FUCKING MAYA / MAYOI, HAS THE BIGGEST BALLS AGAINST THIS GUY. SHE IS LITERALLY LIKE ‘NAW FOR REAL THOUGH YOUR TESTIMONY IS AS FAKE AS THAT AFRO’ AND MOTHERFUCKER. HE HAS THE POLICE CART HER OUT.
ACE ATTORNEY 9 DOES WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE: IT SCARES THE FUCK OUT OF ME. I CAN’T EVEN FORMAT THIS POST, I DON’T MAKE SENSE, BECAUSE THE SCARIEST VILLAIN IN THIS SERIES IS HERE. I WANT TO LITERALLY HIDE IN A MANSION FULL OF GHOSTS, FIND THE SCOOBY DOO GANG, AND HAVE THEM LOOK INTO MANFRED VON KARMA WHO I SUSPECT IS OLD MAN JENKINS IN A TERRIFYING MASK MADE OF THE SOULS OF CHILDREN.
A LOT OF THINGS HAPPEN THAT ARE IMPORTANT AND TOUCHING BUT GUYS, SERIOUSLY, I AM TERRIFIED. MY CAPS LOCK KEY WILL NOT COME UNSTUCK. NOTHING IS RIGHT IN THIS WORLD. Hilariously, I almost spelled that Write, so I feel like we’ve come full circle. In any case, Lotta Hart’s testimony is revealed to be faulty namely because her testimony reveals evidence previously hidden: that Lotta enlarged the image of the shooting, this showed the shooting happening in real time. Surprise? The shooter was left handed while Edgeworth’s prints were from his right hand, clearly. All the contradictions allow for an extension and Edgeworth bails Maya out. She feels guilty for not being about to summon Mia but I am honestly just over here fanning myself with the porn from Sakamoto because I genuinely fear Manfred von Karma.
His face guys. Please send him to prison for all that botox.